You just made me feel so damn special
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
