dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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