i don't like sucking hair
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
