I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
