Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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