Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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