My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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