Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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