Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
