So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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