I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
