I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
