Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
