My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
