I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
