is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
