Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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