dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
