Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
