Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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