Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
