My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
