"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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