he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
