I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
