Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
