Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
