my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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