After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize