He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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