plz talk dirty to me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
