Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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