it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
