"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
