I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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