I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
