I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
