the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
