i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
