So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize