it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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