im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
