This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
