I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
