I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
