if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
