Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
