Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
