This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
