So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
