all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
