I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
