i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who died my cat blue again?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
