That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
