sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I touched a dick in church today
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
