I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
