I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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