You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
