No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
