Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
