Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I love you. Go after that dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
