Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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