I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize