Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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