Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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