I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
