Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
