I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
