i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
