the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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