I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We have started to decorate penises.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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