what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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