Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize