Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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