I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
